My worst day at work, ever

Textbooks, rules and curricula - who are they really for?

Learning a language is easy. You just have to remember it's hard, see?
I speak Czech. Or rather, I used to. You know the phrase, "Use it or lose it"? Trust me on this one, you lose it.

I lived in Czechoslovakia back when it was Czechoslovakia. Few people spoke English and I learned quickly. To this day, people who know me say that I'm 'good at learning languages' - I'm not, not really. I just worked very hard and studied for 10 or so hours a day.

Things I could do in Czech which made me feel like I spoke it:

• Have blazing rows with girlfriends and waiters
• Work as an interpreter at a fruit importers
• See Waiting for Godot (I hate it bilingually)
• Explain ice hockey's icing rule
• Teach other people Czech

I even taught native speakers a thing or two about Czech grammar. I probably still could. (Sadly, grammar is the last thing to go.)

The Worst Day of my Working Life
Back in England, a hapless tour company asked me to put my skills to use and lead a coachload of Czech tourists on an six-hour stopover around London. They gave me a coach, a chatty driver and a microphone. Then packed me off to Heathrow to meet the group.

I realised I was in trouble as we approached the Victoria Embankment. The helpful driver, nervous at my nervousness, suggested I tell them all about the Thames, "Tell them about the tidal flow - it's seven metres!" he suggested. He was very excited about the tidal flow.

Czechoslovakia is a landlocked country. The only reason I even knew the word 'tide' was because of a Barbara Streisand film (I remember asking somebody what the title of the film meant and they gave a tortuously 'expert' answer...). Wowing them with facts and figures about 'the longest river in the British Isles that only flows within the borders of England' was simply beyond me.

Other moments of extreme discomfort:

• Driver: Tell them that they clip the raven's wings to prevent the legend coming true!
• Tourist: (rough translation) I know you can't 'commentate', but why not try just 'chatting'?
• Driver: When the flag's at half-mast, it means somebody's died!
• Tourist: We only have six hours in London. Six hours! It's my summer holiday!

There are (at least) three lessons here:

1. Proficiency depends upon context.
You can't just be an 'expert'. You can only be an expert in something specific. At a specific time. In a specific place. Expertise fades and is often non-transferable.

2. Stored knowledge is unvaluable. Knowledge flow is invaluable
It's only when you apply knowledge to different situations, different groups of people and different domains that it becomes usable. Knowledge is currency, useless unless you can spend it.

3. Grammar is the last thing to go
We teach people rules, which we hope they'll apply. The rules are neatly organised and stacked into logical formats. We design learning aids and mnemonics. But you have to ask yourself this question:

Who is grammar really for? Teachers or learners?

[Image: Magical Mystery Tour/Wikimedia Commons]